Best part of today

Did you see this post starting with the Itsy Bitsy Spider in Spanish? Perhaps not, and yet, here it is:My last patient of the day had her kids with her. One, apparently a gossiper with other kids and families in the community, was a particular focus during the visit. She was worried he would catch a peek during the pelvic exam and spread some kind of strange story to their neighbors. Thus, the coochie had to stay covered and covert. We were strategizing together on keeping him and the other toddler toward the head of the bed. For about 30 seconds, the "standing lamp acting as castle wall" worked, and they stayed toward the top. But, quickly that dissolved, and he was at my side just as the drape was about to come up. I asked if he knew any songs, and he said he knew the Itsy Bitsy spider in Spanish. I asked him to sing it, and he wouldn't, and kept trying to check out what was going on with his mom. So, I said I would sing it in English if he would stay at the top of the exam table. This is how it went. This is what was whispered quickly with the mom nodding each time.The Itsy Bitsy Spider went up the water spout. [Kid runs to the head of the exam table, eyes wide]This is my hand on your thigh. I'm going to check on the outside and make sure everything looks normal. Down came the rain and washed the spider out.Everything looks normal. This is the speculum, cool and lots of pressure. Out came the sun and dried up all the rain.Two clicks open. Just pressure, right? This is the pap smear, a little more pressure. And the Itsy Bitsy Spider went up the spout again.Taking the speculum out, lots of pressure again. Now the internal exam. Again? The Itsy Bitsy Spider went up the water spout.This is my hand on the outside again. Now checking inside. Down came the rain and washed the spider out.This is your cervix. Just pressure, no pain, right? Okay. Now checking your uterus and ovaries. Out came the sun and dried up all the rain.Everything feels normal today. And the Itsy Bitsy Spider went up the spout again.That's it for today! I'll call you with any abnormal results in the next week. Call me if you have any questions beforehand. [Insert congratulating the kids on how great they were during the visit] Best part of the day: finding out that the pap smear and pelvic exam last two rounds of Itsy Bitsy Spider.